/SCENE OPENS WITH THE PALS HANGING OUT IN THE BIBLE DAYS. DUST ABOUNDS AND EVERYONE IS COUNTING THEIR PACES/

JOHN DOUGLAS: WHERE DO YOU GO TO FIGHT A MOUNTAIN?

CODY: WELL FIRST YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT TO SHORE. BE ON LAND AND THEN BATTLE MOUNTAIN.

BAR PIGS: BUT THE SHIP IS SINKING!!

/THE SHIP IS INDEED SINKING/

/JOHN DOUGLAS GRABS A BUCKET TO SAVE THE PALS/

ZOOEY: I HATE THIS, I ALREADY WROTE A SONG ABOUT THIS, IT IS LAZY AND WRUNG OUT CONTENT*

COLE: NOT SO FAST. THIS ISN’T ACTS. IT’S DEUTERONOMY!!

BAR PIGS: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

/THE BAR PIGS EVAPORATE INTO A WISP OF SMOKE FOR VIOLATING A PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN LAW OR COMMMANDMENT/

CODY: GOSH DANG IT. 

ZOOEY: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO KEEP AN ENTOURAGE?

JOHN DOUGLAS: THERE’S JUST NO RELIABILITY, NO ACCOUNTABILITY. EVERYONE IS JUST ONLINE ANONYMOUSLY TROLLING, SPIRALING THE DRAIN OF MODERNITY.

COLE: WELL WHERE DO WE GO TO FIND NEW ONES?

/THE SHIP HAS SUNK. THE PALS ARE FLOATING THROUGH THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA ON PLANKS AND EVAPORATED PIG FUMES/

ZOOEY: WAIT. ARE PIGS INDIGENOUS TO ISRAEL? CAN THE LAW OF MOSES BE UNDERSTOOD AT ALL AS A REJECTION OF FOREIGN CULTURE AND CUISINE OR DOES THAT NOT READ AT ALL? ALSO WOULDN’T THE LAW OF MOSES HAVE HAD A SUFFICIENTLY SIGNIFICANT IMPACT ON THE ECONOMY AND CULTURAL IDENTITY OF ITS TIME SUCH THAT ITS ORIGIN SHOULD BE SOMEWHAT TRACEABLE TO AT LEAST SOME KIND OF TIME PERIOD THAT WOULD SORT OF NARROW THE WINDOW FOR THE HISTORICITY OF MOSES OR A MOSES-LIKE FIGURE TO BE MORE PRECISELY SCRUTINIZED?

CODY: COULD YOU JUST STOP HAVING A CRISIS OF FAITH FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES?

SEAFARING SUPER BIRD: KOSHER ISN’T JUST ABOUT PIGS, YOU IDIOT.

ZOOEY: IT’S NOT A CRISIS OF FAITH. IT’S A CRISIS OF RELIGIOSITY.

COLE: WHY IS THERE A BIRD?

JOHN DOUGLAS: WE ARE LOOKING FOR AN ENTOURAGE IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SEAFARING SUPER BIRD: YEAH, I MEAN, I WAS SORT OF PLANNING ON MEETING UP WITH THE FELLAS LATER FOR A WHOLE SHEBANG. BUT WHY NOT.

/THE PALS OFFER UP THREE CHEERS FOR THEIR NEW ENTOURAGE/

COLE: CARRY US UP ON YOUR WINGS OF FORTUNE SEAFARING SUPER BIRD!!!

SEAFARING SUPER BIRD: NOBODY EVER LIKES ME FOR THE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF. THEY ARE ALWAYS BLINDED WITH WONDER WHEN THEY LOOK UPON MY WINGS OF FORTUNE.

/BIRD PICKS THEM UP AND ITS PRETTY MUCH LIKE THE LORD OF THE RINGS BIRD THING NOW/ 

CODY: SEAFARING SUPER BIRD, WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?

SEAFARING SUPER BIRD: MY UNPARALLED GRACE AND WISDOM

JOHN DOUGLAS: I HAVE A QUESTION TOO

SEAFARING SUPER BIRD: OH OKAY

JOHN DOUGLAS: WHY IS IT BIBLE TIMES?

/SEAFARING SUPER BIRD LOOKS UPON HIM SAGELY AND FULL OF SERENITY/

SEAFARING SUPER BIRD: IT’S THE MEME, JOHN DOUGLAS. ‘WAIT, IT’S ALL BIBLE TIMES? ALWAYS HAS BEEN. BANG.’

ZOOEY: HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT MEMES HAVE BEEN GETTING KINDA WORSE THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS?

SEAFARING SUPER BIRD: YEAH, THE MEDIUM DEFINITELY PEAKED WITH THE GUY LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER CHECKING OUT THE OTHER GIRL AND NOW WE’RE GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE DREGS.

COLE: SO THIS IS PRETTY MUCH A WRAP, RIGHT? WE HAVE AN ENTOURAGE NOW AND IT CAN FLY.

ZOOEY: NO, NO, THE ENTOURAGE ISSUE WAS THE B-PLOT. THE A-PLOT IS THAT JOHN DOUGLAS WANTS TO FIGHT A MOUNTAIN.

JOHN DOUGLAS: NO, IT’S FINE. THIS HAS BEEN DRAGGING ON LONG ENOUGH.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* THE SONG REFERENCED HERE IS ‘SEVEN MORE,’ A SOMEWHAT WELL RECEIVED SINGLE BY THE WILDLY SUCCESSFUL ROCK AND ROLL BAND “THE ZOOEYS”